Quirky Contemplations: Bear Trap

First a general note: Given the category “Quirky Contemplations”, one might anticipate a blog entry like the following:

If your navel were located on the tip of your nose, would you be more likely to contemplate it – either cross-eyed or in the mirror.  Would you worry if there was lint in your nose-navel, and wonder what the heck it was doing there on the tip of your nose in the first place.  The End.

But instead, these are quirky little stories that may merit contemplation.  I make no guarantees.  And now:

Bear Trap

A man watched a nature special on television, where grizzly bears came very close to the film’s narrator.  The bears were approaching with aggressive or unclear intent.  This happened on several occasions.  Each time the situation was very intense! They also attacked themselves, which, by projection, can be an attack on anything.  After the special, the man felt a little unsettled.

“You obviously can’t trust grizzly bears,” he said to his little Shih Tzu dog.  He knew that the dog could never begin to protect him, so he purchased bear mace illegally on the Internet.

The next day he saw a documentary where a young man tried to live with grizzly bears, but at the end of the film a bear ate him.

“Will they never stop?” Since the mace had yet to arrive by mail, he drove to Wal-Mart and purchased a rifle, which he then stored under his bed.

It must have been grizzly bear week on television, because the next night he watched a special: “When Grizzly Bears Go Bad.”  As you might expect, the film detailed grizzly bears attacking tents, coolers, cars, cabins, dogs, and (of course) people.

“This is getting out of control!” There had to be a way to protect himself.  He was desperate, and decided to use magic.  On the east end of his property he planted a cross, on the south end a statue of the Buddha, on the west end the elephant god Ganesh, and to the north a large quartz crystal next to a feather.  Then he took up a vigil in his spare time.  Rather than watch television, he kept an eye on his various magics so that he could be certain they would actively protect him.

A week went by and he had not seen a single grizzly bear.  Finally, a curious neighbor stopped by.

“What are you up to – sitting out here all the time?” asked the neighbor.

“I’m using magic to keep grizzly bears away.”

“But there aren’t grizzly bears anywhere near these parts,” informed the neighbor.

“See, the magic is working!”

 

(A friend commented, perhaps to clouds: “The magic did work.  He was able to avoid getting eaten by his television.”)

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One Response to Quirky Contemplations: Bear Trap

  1. Frank DeMarco says:

    Since he had bought a long gun anyway, he should have killed his television with it.

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