Quirky Contemplations: The Perfect Teacher

Note #1: I am posting this Want Ad for a friend who happens to be male.  I am theoretically willing to post a similar ad for other genders or persuasions. 

Note #2:  However I may feel about the ad personally, I have chosen to post the ad unedited.  I was told I would earn karma points if I complied, and I guess I believe him (because he would earn negative karma points for lying – right?).

Note #3: Or maybe I just enjoy the absurdity.

Wanted: the perfect teacher
Am seeking the perfect teacher.  Candidates may contact me through this website, or through magical means (that would be most impressive).

Desirable characteristics:
Must know everything, or at least enough of everything so I can’t tell the difference.  Am looking for a handsome or attractive woman (though not necessarily good-looking in a conventional way) in her thirties, forties, or early fifties (age is not as important as vitality). In addition to providing a graduated and well-timed (as well as entertaining) set of life instructions, she should be a good cook and an impeccable advisor.  Did I mention a sense of humor and appreciation of nature?  Besides a spiritual brilliance, she should be able to just hang out with me from time to time, speaking what cannot otherwise be spoken, or fixing what otherwise could not be fixed, or fixing what can be fixed before it breaks. She should hail from an exotic locale, or at the very least she should be from out-of-town.  She should arrive with no baggage from her past.  Not a trace of baggage.  It is preferable if she has severed all family ties.  She should have an aura of unpredictable sexuality, such that a touch on the shoulder feels like it could escalate. She should share all my opinions and views.  Lacking that, she should be able to find a way to bridge all apparently opposing opinions and views so that we appear to be on the same page.

Availability and accommodations:
I would like her to be available on an as needed basis, and to have the ability to disappear (either physically or metaphorically) when her presence is not required.  One solution to this requirement is that she would have the capacity to shift herself either to a different dimension or out of phase with this dimension.  I invite her to live on the premises, provided she is able to do so in her “not seen” mode.  In order to accomplish this, it would be of benefit if she had the skill of dimensional shifting.  My preferred solution would be for her to use her extra-dimensional skills to live in a sacred container of our mutual choice.  That way, if she somehow failed to respond to my calling, I would know where to find her.

Remuneration:
The satisfaction of a job well done.  And, I’m thinking there must be some sort of eternal reward attached to this position.

Additional asset:
While not a requirement, it would be in her favor if she has the capacity to grant me three wishes.  I understand that the wishes need to be somewhat realistic.  I promise not to wish for immense wealth, immortality, or to alter world history – either past, present, or future.  I would like to retain the right to retract a wish spoken accidentally, carelessly, unconsciously, foolishly, or in jest.

Contact Information:
I know the Traveler Musings Guy said you can contact me through his website, and you can if you must. But I would much prefer if you contacted me in person. So, if you meet these qualifications, please drop by magically for an interview.  It would be most impressive if you would materialize in dramatic fashion.  I have an old-fashioned teapot on my stove-top, if that helps.

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5 Responses to Quirky Contemplations: The Perfect Teacher

  1. shell says:

    This was interesting and funny and strange. It makes me curious as to who would ask this of you…….however I know that you are a protector of one’s anonymity request. I hope that he is successful.

  2. Irene Blanck says:

    Tell him its safe to say that i think i fulfill all his criteria!! 🙂 He will now have to watch that teapot 24/7 as i may pop out at any time!

  3. Jim says:

    I told him and now I fear he is beyond reason. His plan is to take the teapot with him — everywhere. He mentioned something about starting a new religion based on the sacred potential of the teapot. I suggested his actions may be misguided. He replied something about the need to have an ongoing faith in the potential of heating water to a boil, and that brewing perfect tea may have summoning potential. It appears you have given his life new meaning. It wouldn’t surprise me if, at some point, he forgets all about impossible fantasies and becomes a master of tea ceremony. You may have been the perfect teacher after all.

  4. Irene Blanck says:

    How synchronistic!!! I think there is something to this. And this is a true story! For all my life I have been a coffee drinker until about 3 years ago – when I was laid low for a whole day with the dreaded stomach bug – and from that on I have drunk nothing but TEA!

    Now Jim, we need to “vet” you to see if you fulfill all our criteria as our go-between! 🙂

  5. It doesn’t seem to me that he should have any trouble finding someone to meet these criteria. I can foresee one small, very small problem. Thoreau said, in effect, that he had never met anyone who was fully awake: “How could I have looked him in the eye?”

    Not so sure about Irene, though. I really think you don’t want to be taking up with someone who voluntarily gives up coffee for ANYTHING.

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