The following is an excerpt from The Prince James Bible in a Can.
The Bible is a book that has both beauty and a historically elevated theocratic authority. Many cultures around the world have recognized the importance of a trickster figure to break up rigidity and allow the divine to be reborn. So, here are a few trickster storylines I made up that might make an interesting appendix to some future version of the Bible:
1. Noah and the Tricky Rabbit: In this story, while Noah is busy navigating the flood, trickster rabbit is busy orchestrating a spouse-swapping contest amongst all the animals on the ark. The result is a more varied species than Noah took on board.
2. The contest to reach heaven: God declares a contest for all the earth’s creatures to see which of the separate species can be the first to transport themselves into heaven. Men and women decide to enter the contest, spending many years building the Tower of Babel. When the humans finally reach heaven with their giant tower they discover that the contest has been over for years. Trickster Raven got there on the first day, but kept the results secret from the humans. In disgust, the humans knock down their tower, only to discover that, out of fairness, God had declared a rematch to begin the next day.
3. Adam an Eve in the garden with Spider: Eve is sitting under an apple tree eyeing the beautiful ripe apples. Trickster Spider, hiding behind the apples, speaks with Eve pretending to be an unseen God. Spider tells Eve that under no circumstances should she eat apples. Spider then knocks a juicy apple off the tree. The apple falls right next to Eve, who cannot resist a bite. Spider, again pretending to be God, screams his outrage at Eve, and Adam, for eating the apple, and demands they leave the garden immediately. Obediently, Adam and Eve do leave God’s garden and walk straight into the sticky webs of the World spun by Spider and her children.
4. Job’s game of dice: Coyote challenges Job, a wealthy man, to a game of dice. Coyote is playing with loaded dice, and knows he cannot lose. Job looses his entire estate, and Coyote moves in to enjoy his new life of luxury. On the way out, Job manages to pocket the loaded set of dice, and retires to a secret cave to study how they work. Years later he has mastered their action, and returns to his ex-estate to challenge Coyote to another game of dice. Coyote, now fat and overconfident, loses everything back to Job, but manages to re-pocket the loaded dice on his way out.
Bonus material only available in this blog post:
5. Excerpt from: The Book of Trickster Proverbs
3:5 Yea, I say unto you, if thou wanteth something badly enough, just write it down on the magic vision pad. Then taketh said pad and show it to someone who has a lot of money who really likes you; someone you can manipulate.
3:6 And if said person doth not fulfill your wish which thou so carefully and thoughtfully hath written on the vision pad as instructed, then learnest thou the secret of thy neighbor, or thy neighbor’s neighbor, or anyone who could be someone’s neighbor, and showeth them the vision pad alongside said secret. Then, do not speak falsely, but hold fast to thy vision pad until the time of harvest.
3:7 And if that doth not work, arrange for a new set of customs, wherein gifts are exchanged on the winter solstice. Then arrange for a king or queen to be your secret Santa. Only, don’t call it secret Santa because you will appear as the fool without an ass to ride on, given that Santa will sound foreign to their ears. Call it the sacrificial rites of those who have much to offer. And thou may enhance the moment of giving if thou remindeth your secret sacrificer about the kingdom of heaven and the blessings inherent in giving. We suggest you write your little saying on a card and give it to them. Make it good. Write a clever poem or proverb where the giver receives back tenfold or even twenty-fold.
3:8 And if any of these suggestions lands you in a pile of trouble, give them your “Get Out of Jail for Free” card, and click your heels together three times repeating “There’s no place like home.” This may well confuse them. Seize on this opportunity and runneth as the deer or some other very fast animal.
Link to The Prince James Bible in a Can eBook ($1.00): http://musingsofaspiritualtraveler.com/the-prince-james-bible-in-a-can/