Quirky Contemplations: The God Challenge – a Series of Koans for God

Note:  This post is (hopefully) imaginative and certainly fictitious.  Any similarity with actual events is entirely coincidental.

In the Beginning, It was a dark and stormy night. God lay sleeping on a bed suspended in a singularity. An alarm clock went off, out of nowhere really. Startled, God rolled out of bed and hit His head on the nightstand. “Ouch!” said God.  Then: “That’s the last time I will say ouch.”  It was the first time She had talked to Herself.

He looked at the nightstand, using His see-in-the-dark vision, and decided to open the drawer.  There was a note, which She realized eye from Facebook page Earthschool harmonyShe must have written before going to bed.  Either that, or this was the first in a series of a priori events. The note read: This is the birth of a new universe, and you must first issue yourself the God challengeIf you pass, go can go ahead and create light. “If a universe is born, but there is no one there to witness the birth, does it come into existence?” He said in protest.  Then She answered Her own question: “Would a wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  We do as we are.  We exist in a singularity as infinite Potential.”

Satisfied with Her own awareness, She put the note back into the nightstand.  Then He took it out again — because it was there.  God challenge?  Couldn’t She just say no?

GOD: Oh, for God’s sake, is this to be a bureaucratic universe.  I’m going to just skip this challenge thing and create light.
GOD:  You know the rules.  This can be just between us, if you want.  But I have to issue the God challenge.
GOD:  A universe with rules.  OK, let’s get on with it. This better not be boring.  I mean, I could be creating a universe.  OK, I never get bored.  I’ll think of these as God koans.
GOD:  How many angels fit on the head of a pin?
GOD:  Let’s make this multiple choice: d) All of the above.  Are we done?  Let there be…
GOD: That was just a warm-up.  The clock begins when I ask the first official question.
GOD: Officials? Ticking clock?  What does time have to do with this?
GOD: Are you ready?
GOD: I was born ready.
GOD: Then let’s start before you were born.  Show me your original face, before the Big Bang.
GOD:  Show me a mirror outside of Time.
GOD: You know it’s against the rules to answer a challenge with a challenge.
GOD: And you know it’s against the rules to split infinities.
GOD: OK, how about we just split divine hairs, then clone infinity.
GOD: Original face, I’ll show you an original face!  Always begin before the Beginning.  Peek-a-boo, I see you.  We’re like light, a particle viewing a wave. Now can I create light?
GOD: You’re good with light.  What about heavy? Can you create a rock so heavy that even you can’t lift it?
GOD: Let’s see. I could create infinite density, so the rock could be infinitely heavy. But I can lift infinitely heavy, can’t I?
GOD: Why don’t you try creating that rock, and we’ll see.
GOD: I’d rather create light.  OK (creates rock): Boy, this rock is really heavy, I guess I can’t lift it.
GOD: You were just going through the motion.
GOD: I sweat enough to water 3.14 speculative galaxies.
GOD: OK, then here’s another one. Calculate the value of pi .pi
GOD: I’m not falling for that one. That could take forever.
GOD: But don’t you have forever?
GOD: Yes, but I don’t want to be calculating pi forever.
GOD: But couldn’t you calculate pi using an infinitely small portion of your being, so that you would hardly even notice you were busy calculating pi.
GOD: Yes, but I’m also infinitely aware of even the most infinitely small portion of myself. In that awareness, the calculation would loom infinitely large, and would become boring.
GOD: I thought you never got bored.
GOD: Here’s one I hope won’t bore you. We both know we are omnipresent. Can we hide from each other?
GOD: Boy, you just got through saying that we are infinitely aware of ourselves. But I bet we could also be infinitely unaware if we tried.
GOD: At the same time?
GOD: That’s it, I could hide in time! You said that the clock was ticking.
GOD: I’m not sure the alarm clock was our idea.
GOD: If I penetrate Time and hide in a dog, will you find me?
GOD:  God is Love and Love is God.  And Dog is Love and Love is Dog.  Therefore, God is Dog spelled backwards.
GOD: If I hide as a tree falling in a forest where there are no ants, dogs, or people, will you find me?
GOD: If I stop thinking entirely, will you find me?
GOD: Best way to find you!

And God said: “Let there be light.”  And it was good.  Eventually, or simultaneously (depending on your perspective) there were also dogs, and people looking for dogs, which, by the way, have Buddha nature like everything else.

Photo from Facebook page Earthschool harmony

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